Friends pop up in the oddest places. So do new allies; we’ll see the status of that in a few months, but I get the feeling that this one might be a keeper.

Totally hate Lightfoot right now. Wait, no... just one in particular. Asswipe.

Oh Sen, you still suck. Where ever the hell you are, I hope you have papercuts. And said papercuts are sitting in lemon juice. With cat scratchs. And rotten potaoes.

Detroit Annie, hitchhiking
by Judy Grahn

Her words pour out as if her throat were a broken
artery and her mind were cut-glass, carelessly
handled.
You imagine her in a huge velvet hat with great
dangling black feathers,
but she shaves her head instead
and goes for three-day midnight walks.
Sometimes she goes down to the dock and dances
off the end of it, simply to prove her belief
that people who cannot walk on water
are phonies, or dead.
When she is cruel, she is very, very
cool and when she is kind she is lavish.
Fisherman think perhaps she's a fish, but
they're all
fools. She figured out that the only way
to keep from being frozen was to stay in motion, and long ago converted most of her flesh into liquid. Now when she smells danger, she spills herself all over,
like gasoline, and lights it.
She leaves the taste of salt and iron
under your tongue, but you dont mind
The common woman is as common
as the reddest wine

"every song has a you
a you that the singer sings to
and you're it this time
baby, you're it this time"

This, to say the least, is going to suck. Maybe this time I’ll succeed.

"i care less and less
what people think
and you are so lame
you always disappoint me
it's kind of like our running joke
but it's really not funny
and i just want you to live up to
the image of you i create
i see you and i'm so unsatisfied
i see you and i dilate"

By the grace of Green, I go.

It would appear that my stagnation has been abated.

And it only took three years.

"The best weapon against an enemy is another enemy." - Friedrich Nietzsche

( 'Caught In The Rain' )

I keep thinking about him.

And it’s a bad idea. It’s such a bad, huge horrible idea and one that I shouldn’t even think about because it’s so bad. I sworn off… that idea. Sworn it. Goodbye! Down the garbage shoot. Through the door. In a box with a Garrun to guard it.

Yet, my mind keeps drifting.

Bad Cody, bad! No cookie! Bad path choice, BAD!

I wonder if there is a superduper special Delphi treat. Like a scoobysnack only for tall Delphis who go all AWOL and unreachable. Something to lure them out of whatever they have gotten themselves into and out into the open so I can tackle ‘em, hog tie ‘em and stick ‘em on the a spit and not let them wander off again. Maybe I should get DelphiLoJack, and presto! Instant location of the Delphi in question. And I wouldn’t abuse or anything, just… I hate losing track of them. Replacing one of your favioate Delphi is really heard. Hell, I’m having a HELL of a time trying to find a newish Tybalt (then again, nothing is as good as a Tybalt, people come damn close, but really who could replace a madman like him?) and he’s been gone almost a full cycle. **

Maybe I should devise a trap of some sort. With a carrot. Since the BEST traps

Maybe a good Delphi treat is a carrot, you know, to help with the whole seeing what is not seen thing. What type of special type of carrot would that take though because just an everyday wouldn’t do and wouldn’t help with the metaphysical stuff.

Damnit, and it’s still cold here. Can’t seem to get warm. Doesn't matter how many layers I have on (currently three, not including pink and frillies) I just can’t seem to get the chill out. My hands feel like ice and are starting to hurt. Haven’t been this cold since… yah.

Gathering is coming soonish, I think. Maybe he’ll show then and I can punch him in the nose. Well, after I punch him in the stomach to get his tall ass to bend over. Because frankly, sitting I his office, waiting... Not so much with the fun. Nope, not fun.







** Wow, has it been that long? Has it really been that long since the three of them flew through that portal and into the past? Has it a long cycle passed to present me with a new one? Every year I change more, and more things happen that I must survive through.

I think he’d be proud of me. I hope that he is.

I think I wander into Proper for a bit and come back. Kai will understand.

[OOC: Copyright, Katie Cook - www.katiecandraw.com]

New icon.

Bleh.

( Modulation )</i>

Turned 20 two days ago and I don't feel any different. *sigh*

At least this year there weren't any huge ass fights with someone I'm in love with or Mother's dying.

"It is not who is right, but what is right, that is of importance." - Thomas H. Huxley

"The beginning is always today." - Mary Wollstonecraft

I’m currently sitting in a corner in Kai’s office, waiting. I’ve been here since the end of the last gathering and I expect to remain here until his Delphi ass decides to come back. I’ve been looking around the city and trying to either get some sort of inspiration about where the hell to look for him and possibly get to know the area.

Everyone gets really skittish whenever I ask about him, so I’ve taken to just bothering guard boy about it. Not entirely sure what the heck he’s up to, but I’m starting to worry more.

In other news, Bron got re-elected to the Council Chair seat, with Valeria getting Vice. Sen is the Citadel seat and with me being the second. Again. How the hell do I keep ending up with this thing? Luckily Sen is more than intrigued by the Council which means I only need to show if I want to watch, which is fine by me.

Alexander got voted head of Delphi, though he doesn’t seem entirely too thrilled by that. Apparently it was a decision made without him (hmmm, where have we heard *that* before?), but he’s rolling with it well. Right before the meeting I got this sick feeling in the pit of my stomach so I lent him my prophet’s cross, though now I feel like I'm naked now without it. I don’t know if I’m just being paranoid or what, but the meeting had me on edge. Possibly because I couldn't play guard dog.

I went to a party in the Cove with Cappy where I met up with Stran and drank. A lot. I had this very tasty Screwdriver and Stran was more than happy to keep my drink filled with alcohol goodness. We talked abou some demons or something. I don’t really remember, but I remember giggling a lot. I’ll drop him a line and figure out what it was we were talking about it later.

Talked with Sen and he shared a lot of the same fears that I’ve been having. Friggin knighthood. I demanded that I remain a princess for the end of my days and he gave me a tiara, which made me smile a little bit. Not much, but whatever.

Talked to said fears and I felt a little bit better. Got yet another promise and we’ll see if this one pans out. People keep promising me that they aren’t going to go away anytime soon. That they aren’t going to leave me. Unless something comes up. *sigh* How is it all the important people in my life keep having that clause?

I share the same focus, the same clause with them, but for some reason, it’s starting to wear thin. For once, just once, I want to come first. It’s completely selfish and childish and self-centered and not all thinking about what’s good for everyone else. But I still want it.

I have my blanket wrapped around me because this office is always cold. It’s odd that I’ve chosen this place to stay for the time being. Though I suppose it reflects my current mood -- cold and alone.

Regardless, Council vote is coming… and I refuse to be the House Motivator.

Again.

That’s it.

Something needs to change. I’m going to be twenty in… twenty-four days and I have stagnated.

Something needs to change. I can’t go on the way I have going because that is not how I want to live.

Something needs to change. I am strong physically but if something emotional comes along, I crumble.

Something needs to change. I am going to ask for help, finally. I am going to finally stop talking and listen. I will listen to what my heart tells me and where my feet lead me.

Something needs to change. I need to get that kick in the ass to throw myself down my path. I know where it is, I just need to walk to.

Things will change soon.

Things are going to change.

Dear Sir,

I am sorry for trying to change you. I had hoped that I could help you become the person that I saw buried under many layers, but that will never be. I tried to push you in a direction that you were unwilling to walk. I tried to get you to care about the things I cared for. I tried to be your temperance and it didn't work.

I'm sorry I tried to make you someone you aren't capable of being. I sorry you could never totally figure me out. There are so many layers of myself that you never even reached and will never reach and for that I grieve.

I am sorry that you felt that you needed to leave; I sorry that you felt that you needed to leave the girls. I am sorry that they will never know or see what I saw in you. I am sorry that you will push away everyone because you are, deep down, afraid. You are afraid of being in the light because it so much easier to live in the darkness. Jay was totally right, I am the light, or at least the lighter side of things.

I am truly sorry that I tried to change you. I am sorry that I tried to change me to fit you.

But I'm ready to see that I have two very strong wings, and you only have one.